My Least Insightful Post Yet

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Dog days of summer, man. They stink.

Summer is cool. Golf, sunshine, longer nights, boat days, golf, and playing golf.

But the sports schedule on TV is BRUTAL!

The only thing on my television screen is people sprinting around in tights doing flips and spins on skinny poles.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

I’m talking about the Olympics!

Yeah, the Summer Games is a cool event, and these are some of the best athletes in the world, but it’s simply just not that fun to watch.

Breakdancing was a new add this year though, that’s a different story.

After my Celtics brought me home Banner 18, there’s simply just no sports.

Baseball is fun to hit the ballpark and have a couple suds, but a non-watchable TV product.

I watched a pickleball game on TV and decided I won’t ever be doing that again.

I miss football, man.

Football is King

This is not going to be a very insightful blog post, so if you’re not a football fan, see you next week! Promise you’ll get something more juicy.

For anyone who signed up for this newsletter for some “thought leadership”, I apologize. Thankfully I am not charging you a subscription fee or I’d have to send you your money back.

But for now, I’m going to reminisce about the greatest sport to ever exist on planet Earth.

There’s a reason the NFL and College Football were responsible for 96 of the top 100 live TV broadcasting events in 2023. NFL owned 24 of the top 25 spots with 17 games over 25M viewers, a new record.

I mean over 125,000,000 people watched the Super Bowl this year. Shoutout Taylor Swift for assist on those numbies.

This AI video of Taylor Swift’s body as Travis Kelce running for a TD is the greatest thing you will watch today money back guaranteed:

Peacock paid $112M for the rights to exclusively air ONE playoff game last season. It was the below freezing game between Dolphins and Chiefs and it produced NUMBIES. The streaming service triple subscriber growth in 2024 Q1 as a result.

I’m simply just providing a few facts about football being king in this country when it comes to viewership, so you don’t think I am crazy for losing sleep at night because I can’t watch the NFL.

Another Top 10

Here, we’ll dedicated this little section to 10 things I love about football:

1. 10-team parlays, that lose every time

2. A survivor pool pick that was a double-digit favorite losing Week 2

3. A great excuse to not talk or see your family and girlfriend for a full 12 hours on Sundays

4. 10-7 battles on Thursday nights between to two QBs that you couldn’t name what college they attended

5. Actually having something positive to look forward to on Mondays

6. Jameis Winston - here’s Jameis being accidently hilarious for 2 minutes

7. The 23-week lead up to the Super Bowl and consistently debating the winner in your group chat with friends

8. Chicken wings

9. Sports talk shows actually filling the air with meaningful conversation (stay tuned on this front, us over at Shadow Lion have something beautiful in the works for NFL fans)

10. Getting fully dressed in a jersey with the name of a 20-something-year-old on the back with knee high socks and eye black screaming into your mirror on a Sunday afternoon with AC-DC yamming in the background

Oh, I’m the only guy that does that???

I miss so many other cool things about football.

Part 2 coming next week. JK, JK.

Let’s Talk Betting

In my past life, I ran a sports newsletter with a paid gambling subscription that gave out NFL locks each week. Not bragging, but they were locks. We went 72% last year on winners during the 2023 season with an incredible undefeated 7-0 week during the playoffs.

They call me The Oracle back home.

Picking winners of NFL games is kinda what I was put on this planet to do.

That being said, I will save this audience from turning this weekly blog into a sports gambling piece.

I will be posting a full NFL season breakdown of my favorite pre-season bets as if I was the lead analyst for ESPN, but that will be coming in a few weeks.

Need to give myself the proper amount of time to do my research. Sit tight, degenerates.

In the meantime, follow me on Twitter and I got you. I’ll be posting all my favorite plays there each week, pro bono.

A Fantasy Life

I am also one of the biggest fantasy football nerds I know.

I read all the poorly written articles and illy produced podcasts trying to predict the 12^th round sleeper that is an auto league-winner.

I am currently the commissioner of four different fantasy football leagues.

Actually shit, just three now.

There was a coup in my high school league, and I was over-thrown for aggressively trying to push a 2-man keeper league, chirping every league member for inactivity in the group chat and lining up cruel loser punishments. Jokes on them, they just motivated me to come into this year’s draft with vengeance.

Actually, I want to commish four leagues again…

Reply to this email so I have your email and I will set up a league! $25 entry fee with first and second place prizes. PPR league. Good luck.

That’s all I got for today.

Lucky us, the NFL Hall of Fame Game is tomorrow and kicks off pre-season football.

Regular season football is coming soon with just 35 days until the Ravens and Chiefs kick us off in a banger of a matchup (Over 47 total points 🔐)

Hang in there.

Until then, I leave you with this classic pump-up video (I know every line to every speech).

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